Empty Nest, Full Life: A Journey Back To You

Peggie Kirkland  0:02  
Hi my beautiful empty nesters. Welcome back to season three of the Mama's motivational messages podcast, where we focusing on you empty nesters. It's momma PK.  Yes, I'm a mama. I'm a life coach, I'm a poet, I'm a lifelong learner and an empty nester, just like you. So listen, you spent the last three decades working and raising kids, and now the house is empty, and you're at your wit's end as you walk through this empty house or apartment, asking yourself, now what so if that's where you're finding yourself right now, you're in the right place, because today's episode is about How to reconnect with yourself after decades of putting others first, stay tuned. We'll dive in right after this quick message.

Welcome back everyone. This episode is about how to reconnect with yourself after decades of putting others first. So as I said, You've been a caregiver for decades, which basically means you've been caring for everyone, pouring yourself into everyone, taking care of everyone else's needs, their schedules, their plans, their dreams, their goals, and now that the house is empty, you don't even recognize yourself, right? In fact, when you think about it, you don't even know what fun looks like anymore. You don't know what you enjoy independently of your children. Take my friend, Sheri for example. I was talking with her, and Sheri is 56, years old. She's a retired teacher, and she's a mom of three, and after her youngest child left for college, she said she felt like she was drifting. She said, I spent so long pouring into my family, I forgot what I liked doing for fun, and honestly, sharee story is not unique.

You know, I can say that I've been in ssheri"s place before Absolutely. You know you can crave the peace that you now have and still miss the activity that the kids generated because you don't have any activities of your own to fill the gap like they say. You know, two things can be true at one time, there's a peaceful house, but you're also missing all of the flurries of activity and people going and coming and all of that stuff. The irony is that now you have time, right? You have time on your hands. But here's the kicker, your issue is not time anymore. That's not the challenge that we empty nesters have necessarily. Do you know what that challenge is? It's guilt. Yep, you heard me, guilt. I'm going to give you a moment to absorb that. And I know some of you might be saying, Oh, that's not me. I don't feel guilty. 

Okay. I'm going to encourage you to check your thought process when you think about spending more than you normally do on something for yourself. For example. In fact, one of my coaching clients, Lisa told me she feels selfish doing something that is just for her. Can you relate to this? Do you find yourself hesitating because you want to buy something but you think it costs too much, and your kids might still need help from you, so you've got to keep those funds in reserve. I'll tell you, I experienced that so many times that I had to teach myself that it was okay to put me. First, and that's when I was able to book my first trip to Europe, and it was so worth it. And guess what? The kids that I was worried about, they were so happy for me that I was doing something that they felt I deserved. I'm not perfect. I'm still a work in progress, even though I've been an empty nester for a few years now, but I'm continuing on that journey to fulfillment. 

It's like my mom always said, inch by inch, it's a cinch. And you know things are not going to change overnight, but you have to show yourself some self compassion and recognize that reconnecting with yourself isn't selfish at all, and there's no need for you to feel guilty about it, especially since this focus on yourself, can improve things like your mental health, it can reduce anxiety, it can improve your cognitive functioning and just increase your overall satisfaction with life. So to get you started on this journey of reconnection, I'm going to give you some actionable steps so that you can start bouncing forward. 

Number one, now I'll give you a moment to grab a pen and paper if you want to write these down, or get the notes section on your phone or tablet or whatever device you're using, number one, create me time Mondays. So what you'll do is you're going to block out 30 to 60 minutes every Monday just to do something that nourishes you.

You're going to block out 30 to 60 minutes every Monday just to do something that nourishes you, whether it's reading or walking or dancing or writing,

You're going to block out 30 to 60 minutes Every Monday to do something that nourishes you, whether it's reading, walking, dancing, painting, writing, whatever it is, it could even be indulging in some retail therapy. And you know we we know how to do that, even if it's not for ourselves, it's your time, and you should think of it as your guilt free time. 

Number two, I want you to get a journal, and in that journal I want you to write like you're meeting yourself again. Just sit quietly and breathe and ask yourself, what lit me up before life got so full, write in your journal in answer to that write in your journal in answer to that prompt. And I want you to start each entry with today, I remembered that I love.dot.do dot, dot. Dot. This is an opportunity to reacquaint yourself with past hobbies or future desires, and when I did this, it made me remember that I loved to crochet, and I haven't done it in decades, probably since I crocheted the baby clothes for my eldest son, and at that time I crocheted a blanket, booties, hat, scarf, sweater, and the whatever else I thought he might need as a newborn baby. I haven't done it since, and I really would love to get back to that 

Number three. Start saying yes to small joys, small things. Remember inch by inch, it's a it's a cinch. Remember inch by inch, it's a cinch. Small things say yes to small joys, things like taking yourself to breakfast, brunch or dinner. Gift yourself with the bouquet you wish someone would send to you. You don't have to wait for that gift. It to yourself, buy that bracelet or the piece of buy that bracelet or other piece of jewelry that you've been eyeing but you kept putting off because it was too expensive. You know, these small yeses can turn into big transformations along the way, 

Number four, join a circle or community. You know, when you're isolated, it can make reconnection with yourself so much harder, because what happens is you turn more and more inside, and then when you go out, you don't even know how to participate in a conversation anymore, because you've been so locked out for so long. So you can try a class or a meet up or a volunteer event to participate in. Just say yes to the you that's been patiently waiting

 Number five, carve out sacred time each day, even if it's just 10 minutes to make an appointment with you, and during that time, do absolutely nothing, no phone, no TV, no distractions, and let that time take you wherever it wants to. You don't have to be productive. You've done that for decades. Just be still and know, see how you feel after that 10 minutes and move on with whatever you need to do after that. And if you feel like it, you can extend that time from 10 minutes to 15 to 20, whatever feels right for you. 

Number six, find a mirror mentor. And by that I mean find women who reflect the life you want to live now. And you might say, Well, where am I going to find them? Be on the lookout for these opportunities when you attend meetups or volunteer, or just when you're up and about. Keep your eyes open and you'll see you'll attract to you, whatever is in your deep consciousness 

 Number seven, talk back to guilt. Yeah, don't be afraid. Just think of it this way. Would you want some female friend or relative that you really care about to feel guilty about taking care of herself. If your answer is no, then show the same compassion you would for them to yourself. Yes, you have to be self compassionate. 

And number eight. You can enroll in one of our coaching programs. All you have to do is go to bounceforward.online, and you can choose either our 90 minute transformational coaching session to get started with gaining clarity and finding balance in your life, or you can sign up for our six week program to really move you forward on your journey to a life of fulfillment,

 just head over to bounceforward.online to learn more. That's bounceforward. online, Listen,  Don't wait any longer. Get started on reconnecting with what you love. You can start small, and you'll get better over time, you've spent decades showing up for others. Now it's time to show up for you, because it isn't the end of your story. It's the most exciting chapter yet. 

Alrighty, then so our next episode will drop on May 21 and we'll be talking about the Art of Letting Go:  Releasing the roles that no longer serve you. I'm looking forward to being with you. Then thank you for spending this time with Me. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai